I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize