he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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