You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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