Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
