all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
