I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
