who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
