I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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