State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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