As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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