dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
