Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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