im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
