Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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