so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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