I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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