I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My penis needs a shock collar
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize