so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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