i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
