She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
