Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
