i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
