I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
