Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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