Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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