just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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