Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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