Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
