hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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