never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
