you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
