I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
