Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
