Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
