Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
