I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize