im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
