i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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