He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
