I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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