Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
