So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
