please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
