She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
