I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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