I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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