At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Oh god it's open bar.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
