Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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