genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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