Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize