Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
