sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
