This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
