dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
