and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize