So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
