the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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