So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
