How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
