I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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