I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
