and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
