Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
