do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
well you can't waste a boner
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
