i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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