How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
