Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
