I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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