there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
