i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
