I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
