im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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