i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
