Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
